Missing my son after death

Missing my son after death. My mom retreated into her own grief, staying in her room, depressed and sick for years. That first Christmas just wasn't the same, And it remains so as the years go on. my grandmother, many years later. “Son, I love My son got killed when he was 17 by a grown man. Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile. In this post, we've compiled 70+ miss you messages for dad after death to help you through your grieving. People say it is like losing a part of yourself, but I felt like my Who was also my best friend. Memories heal a broken heart. He was my son and my friend and my angel and this poem reminded me so much of my son some days I do not know how to go on. Or another line of kids blocks my view. Sep 14, 2016 · The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. After the loss of a child, it's important to pay attention to the deceased child's siblings. I may have not been the best son, but you were the best father ever. 1. These words offer support and healing during this painful journey. Explore these quotes to help cope with the heartbreaking loss. Lorenz “I cannot forget my mother. By Michele Meleen. I miss hearing you say, ‘I love you and me saying, ‘I love you in return. And tell my mom that her son is missing her presence. Parents may feel a sense of survivor guilt Jun 7, 2017 · Continued obsessing/missing of the other Obsessing about what happened and why and feeling those pangs of sadness and loss are part and parcel of normal grief, particularly in the weeks following. Oct 25, 2023 · Bettersten Wade’s search for her son, Dexter, ended when she discovered that a Jackson, Mississippi, police officer had run him over — and authorities buried him in a pauper’s field. Feb 2, 2021 · J. Without them in our lives, a significant piece of our identity may irrevocably Jul 26, 2021 · I miss my friend, I miss my brother, I miss my protégé. Whether you had a good relationship or not with her, there will always be grief associated with either the actual relationship you had or the one you wish you had. 04. You are deeply missed. ” 23. Written by Beyoncé, Christopher Breaux, and Shea Taylor, "I Miss You" is more than a ballad about loss. I used to think that people of true faith accepted everything quietly Christmas is not the same without our younger son, a handsome, vibrant young man. After the death of her son, Angela founded A Bed For My Heart in 2013, and has given people around the world a compassionate and supportive community to express their grief and Oct 5, 2022 · See also: 120 Heart-Touching Missing My Son Quotes To Comfort You Final Thoughts. You can’t ask that of a mother who has lost her child. Sad Poems about missing a Brother and mourning his loss. 7) Mourning was just another word in the dictionary. ” This quote takes on a deeper meaning when we know that it was published after the famous author died. " In it, Puff Daddy and Faith Evans croon for their lost friend and confidante. Also, as indicated in the name, it implies that the deceased are not really dead, as we know it, but living somewhere in another realm without their physical body. ” – Unknown. The only wish on my Christmas list is to meet again in the great beyond. Feb 21, 2019 · After someone you love dies, almost all “blessed events” thereafter become a mix of happy-type emotions and sad-type emotions. He was recently taken by God and the angels to Heaven. the last year I lost my older sister and my first grandchild was born just 4 weeks after her death …. ~Dolores M. I hope you are looking over me from the afterlife, dad. We hope these missing my son in heaven quotes and missing my son quotes bring you comfort. I pretend to be strong as I’m dying within myself. It does not mean the pain is gone, but it signifies a level of peace or understanding. If the death was traumatic they say it often takes longer – but so many factors affect the healing process. Jan 5, 2024 · Top 10 short note about missing our son in heaven. After all, a father’s love for his daughter never dies, even after death. A parent steps in my line of sight. After five years, I still miss Dad very much. The man who raised me, the man who was my first love and my best friend. May 7, 2023 · My Son Guided Me After His Death. At first, it may be hard to accept the news as true. I miss hearing you say, ‘I love you’ and me saying, ‘I love you’ in return” – Millie P. She is my bridge. He asked to look at my son's gun then shot him 7x. 2. I sought my brother and I found all three. My husband and I continued to see our couple’s counselor. I look up to the stars and hope you can see me from up there, with a smile on your face. I miss seeing your beautiful smile and the sound of your voice saying my name. I have the ability to connect people here in the physical world with their loved ones that have passed on to Heaven. One thing that can provide a little comfort is the reminder that others have dealt with the same kind of pain I have never been a big fan of the “paste a smile on and pretend it’s okay” club. I miss the son of my youth, the delight of my heart. 12) Dad… It seems surreal. I won't let them stall out my life. my grandfather 3 years later, came to me saying: i love you, but i am tired. Consider using some of these poems, messages, or quotes to share with your friends and tell Sep 20, 2019 · Get the help you need. May 10, 2024 · Within my heart That only you can own Missing you always, Happy Father’s Day. When we "die" our soul energy lives on. Sep 27, 2017 · I became an orphan when I was 52 years old. “Thank you for…. 2012. Poems about losing a brother. Though my parents did the best they could, after my youngest sister died, our entire family was different. 3. We hope these missing my mom in heaven quotes and missing mother quotes bring you comfort. 78. Apr 12, 2023 · “I miss my son. He had been on his own at the time, and it was 12 hours before he was found. 80. He is 67 years old. On the outside I smile for you to see I’m okay because I know you want me to be over it today but it’s killing me altogether, every inch of my being I miss my son and it’s hard holding in my feelings I have come to terms I will no longer hide ” I love him so Mar 18, 2019 · For My Brother, From Your Sister. Every day I miss you, every day I miss hearing you call out my name. Our relationships with our parents shape the fiber of who we are. 5. But after your death, it has become a way of life for me. You were right here. 7, 2017, my 31st wedding anniversary, a date marked by happy memories turned tragic. I found people do not know what to say. To be blessed with a stepson is to be blessed with an immeasurable gift. Jan 7, 2020 · 23. The death of my son feels tragic like a story with no end. Requiem. Poems about Family, sadness, missing a Brother, and remembering his life Jun 11, 2021 · There's no remedy for grief, especially when it comes to the profound loss of a parent. Birthdays, holidays, and every other special day on the calendar can be incredibly challenging. 22. Jul 16, 2022 · And you are at peace. Jan 12, 2024 · The death of a mother is one of the most traumatic things someone can experience. When your insides burst. Mar 26, 2021 · Immediately after his passing, I sent a mass email blind copying friends and family notifying them of my father’s death. These death of a son quotes prove to be helpful in this time of despair. They default to the things they have been conditioned to say during these times. When your son dies suddenly, you may be left feeling shock, anger, and confusion upon hearing the news. We didn't know him, but we had an extra room, so we invited him in. The death of my son changed me forever and I now help others as a grief counselor at a local Sep 9, 2022 · When you left, you took a piece of my heart with you. I would say that as the 5th year came to be I was able to begin opening up. The death of a son means the loss of more than just a precious life. Our children. The way you were always there for May 3, 2024 · The first birthday after the death of a loved one can be a really sad time, but you can make things just a little bit brighter by showing you remember and care. I can feel your presence everywhere. He was such a wonderful young man, incredibly smart, talented and funny. Aug 17, 2024 · My son died 11 years ago and I too have developed a new normal. In the still quiet of a cold Christmas night, I feel your spirit warming my heart. It represents the loss of future experiences and future hopes. Losing a child is a heartbreaking and deeply traumatic experience. But in my heart, a conversation unfolds, Of love unending, of courage bold. The daily struggle is stressing my mind and my health. Jun 28, 2023 · A poem about missing my son for parents. I'll let your death be a part of my life. I don’t find meaning in my son’s death. May 30, 2023 · 10 . With Richard’s guidance, I believe, I chose measures to help myself to continue with some of the goals that he and I shared, like becoming part of the community, getting involved and trying to make a contribution. ” “My Father, My Father” by Dakota Ellerton “My father, my father, I love he, my father, my father, made me see, how beautiful this world really can be. Death of a son poem for parents seeks to capture the raw emotions a parent faces when missing a son who has passed away - the longing, sadness, cherishing of memories, and realization that though gone from sight, he remains alive in spirit and memory. she came to me to tell me that she loves me and is proud of me. Tolkien’s son published some of his father’s stories posthumously in a book called “The Silmarillion. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14. 26 months later, I am still in shock and disbelief that he’s never coming home. Apr 26, 2023 · My first birthday spent without you Was hardest after you where gone. ” 3. Mar 23, 2023 · “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. ” Giving my life purpose and joy. The Final Goodbye. I will recall our years and remember you with joy. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. 81. Miss You Messages For Dad After Death From Son. 6) All my life I kept wishing to grow older so I could finally move out and do my own thing. For being my spouse, friend, mentor, or any other relationship you are thankful for. My dad retreated into work and anything to take his mind from his pain. I miss you son’ Final Thoughts On I Miss You Son Quotes. Tips for Coping Immediately After Your Son’s Sudden Death. May 9, 2024 · The pain of losing you never really goes away. There have been thousands of times When I've wished you were still here, To celebrate all of my joys, And help me calm my fear. i need you to let me go so that i can rest. Though not my son by blood, he was my son indeed. Oct 29, 2021 · 16. I miss you mom. It seems bizarre. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. Until yesterday. 8) Your death is My son Matthew was missing yesterday of last year. Tragically, on 9/29/10, my 25-year-old son suddenly collapsed and died. I move a few steps to the right, a few to the left, frantic to see her. But I learned some things… Jan 30, 2020 · On Sept. Miss you mom! Oh God, please keep my mom in peace and grant her the highest heaven. Grieving for a deceased Brother: Poems of sorrow and remembrance. It Jun 26, 2017 · 13 August 2020 I lost my parents my mum was 56 my dad was 74 …. Healing After a Loss Quotes. I miss having a son at all. Normally, the parent dies first—and when normality is disrupted, this, too, affects grief. It’s one of our most favourite songs about missing someone special. My dear son, not a day goes by without feeling the ache of your absence. Our children should never go before us. Truly Christmas for our family and myself can and never will be the same, but we all believe my son is in Heaven with the angels now, and oh how very lucky those angels are to have such a loving precious soul in the midst of Heaven. Place them in my Mother’s arms and tell her they’re from me. I miss you so much, son, you are truly my heartbeat. I miss seeing him and hugging him, I miss teaching him and learning from him, I miss the sound of his voice and the cackle of his laugh. It helps me to be able to read these poems. Dec 1, 2023 · Like freshly fallen snow, my tears fall as a reminder of those I miss in Heaven this holiday season. These Father’s Day quotes are in honor of the man you miss so much it hurts, but whose love and light will forever guide your way. I had to return to work and the crushing unfairness of it all began to sink in. “Still” by Gerrit Hofsink Mar 4, 2016 · The death of a parent is a loss like no other. g. From Jul 5, 2022 · Research from 2018 suggests that surviving siblings not only have to deal with their own grief, but they also have to manage the grief of their parents and the changes that may result after the death. I miss you more than ever. After-Death Communication (ADC) is, as the name implies, a communication between the living and the deceased. Rest in peace dad. I coped so well …. Lorenz. ” (Or son, daughter, wife, husband, etc) The way you love others and always put their needs before your own. Dad, now that I am a father too, I can feel how great a dad you were. That was when I learned that my 23-year-old son, Garrett, had died by suicide. Jun 28, 2024 · Helping Other Children Who Are Grieving . Tell him that his son/daughter keeps him in his/her prayers and thoughts. I miss my son so much I know God gave me his sister after 15 years to ease the pain when he call him home but I still miss my son so much. I lost my mom at 23 and became a widow at 26. The loss of a stepson is the loss of life’s greatest gift. Feb 23, 2017 · Einstein said that energy can't be destroyed. My The Advice I Wish I Got After My Son Died. We got married and I had 2 miscarriages trying to have another baby. Jul 16, 2022 · It’s hard to put into words the heartbreak of missing your mother. I will always love my son who I gave up and my babies who did not live. May 9, 2017 · After 5 years, I was a single mom and met a great guy. I am a Psychic/Medium. But it happens. Here's my experience. This emotional song is a must-listen if you’re missing someone who was the love of your life and also your best friend. I look up at the stars and think of you shining brightly back down at me. If you are currently grieving your mother, give yourself grace. Aug 5, 2022 · 22. In the quiet moments, I find myself longing for your presence. May you have a beautiful birthday. “My Father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. 24. He'll always wear a cape, always wear a crown. It teaches you the worst. "I'll Be Missing You" by Faith Evans and Puff Daddy "I'll Be Missing You" samples from The Police's "Every Breath you Take. 82. “I miss my mom. Whether you want to use popular quotes for anniversary of a death or are trying to mark the remembrance death anniversary with your own quotes or messages, this section is for you. #46: The pain of losing someone so close is too heavy for me to carry. Read: 70+ Heartfelt Condolence Messages on Death of Father. My father, my father, said to me, my daughter my daughter, come see me, I won’t be around forever, and I Apr 18, 2019 · As I remember you one year and one month after your passing, the painful image of my very sick frail father is fading. After my son died, I found a therapist for my surviving son, as well as a grief counselor for myself. And if you’re looking for more great quotes, then check out these missing dad quotes, missing grandma quotes, missing son quotes, and missing my daughter quotes. I miss you. Sep 7, 2020 · Dear Therapist, My adult son died recently from a drug overdose, after a lifetime of struggles with depression, learning problems, peer rejection, and addiction. Jun 10, 2020 · Below, you'll find ways to help you cope with your grief and the overwhelming pain of the sudden loss of your son. In the midst of celebrations for graduations, promotions, new homes, engagements, marriages, births, grandbabies, big wins, and little wins, you may find your mind wandering from your present-moment elation to think “I wish [insert loved one's name] were here”. Songs About Missing Sep 25, 2023 · “The memory of my mother and her teachings were, after all, the only capital I had to start life with, and on that capital, I have made my way. While the standard "happy birthday" might not work here, there are ways to acknowledge your friend or family member's special day with sensitivity. 17. After 8 years I was blessed with a baby girl. ” – Clarence Budington Kelland Father Death Anniversary Prayer Quotes. Even on the 13. A smile forms on my face and my heart swells with tears when I think of you. It would have been instantaneous the Coroner told us. Dec 2, 2016 · Dec. If only for a few seconds, the pain & emptiness is at ease. Because remembering her is easy, I do it every day, but there’s an ached within my heart that will never go away. I have so many things left I want to tell you. When Aug 28, 2023 · But I gained a new understanding of grief after my husband died. I was convinced I was not allowed to have any more babies because I gave up my son. May 7, 2020 · Things I Didn’t Get to Say in Response to Comments after the Death of my Child What Happens When a Type A Personality Grieves Dear Pregnant Woman in My Office 29 October 2017 30 September 2017; I Will Always Love His Name Miranda's Blog 2023. The final goodbye was never said, Your sudden departure left words unsaid. My little superhero, the king of my heart. They express the immense grief in the loss of the child. but just in the past few days I am absolutely realising that my sister has gone …. So we decided to use the date as the date my son passed. Dillion Shane Treviño 04/15/02 - 08/17/21 My only son Dillion just turned 19 four months prior to his death. I am so thankful to have you in my life. But they don’t ask. 18. Jan 8, 2022 · Sharing the same picture of her son that she would later share after announcing his death, Sinéad wrote: "This is a message for my son, Shane. Famous Poem. Jun 15, 2024 · Father's Day celebrates all dads, including those no longer with us. It came from many different sources, most of which had never lost a child. For My Brother, I will fight through my tears and tear down my sadness. Stepsons are life’s lucky surprises. 2, 2016. “You don’t go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always I miss you. Related Articles. My father-in-law passed away just a few years after that. Unleash Your Creativity with Our AI Writer Experience automated content creation like never before with the innovative AI text generator uniquely designed to generate concise, meaningful and personalized messages for you. Shane, it's not funny any more all this going missing. Is heartbreakingly unreal. Apr 28, 2023 · Missing Dad Quotes From Son “The loss of my father was the most traumatic event in my life – I can’t forget the pain” – Frank Lowy “Dad, wherever you are, you are gone but you will never be forgotten” – Conrad Hall “My Father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it” – Clarence Budington Kelland Oct 13, 2017 · To everyone on here, I am so sorry for loss and sorrow, I am praying for you all, my wife Susy went home to Jesus on May 5, she was 47 as am I, she had kidney disease and diabetes, an enlarged heart so transplant and dialysis were not an option, I had not been able to see her except through her window, she was in a nursing home since June 1 2018 and I could not visit her in her room because of Nov 1, 2015 · She is the best-selling author of You Are the Mother of All Mothers, and the founder and executive director of the award-winning grief organization, A Bed For My Heart. Acceptance. How life can be so fickle. 2: “I Miss My Friend” by Darryl Worley. Oct 26, 2016 · The death of a child is an “out-of-order” death. Photo by Carissa Rogers And Then It Happens. Dec 13, 2022 · An unexpected or violent death, such as death from a car accident, or the murder or suicide of a loved one; Death of a child; Close or dependent relationship to the deceased person; Social isolation or loss of a support system or friendships; Past history of depression, separation anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Dec 27, 2023 · A song for a father to remember a daughter after their death, “You'll Always Be My Baby” by Sara Evans, reminisces about the years of growing up and loving your child despite troubled times. Jump ahead to these sections: What Are Some Common Feelings or Experiences 6 Months After a Death? What Are Some Useful Ways to Cope 6 Months After a Death? Moving Forward: What to Expect After the First 6 Mar 30, 2020 · A few years earlier, he had taken me aside after one of my son’s basketball games and said that he’d just been to a friend’s funeral, told the friend’s adult daughter how proud her father Oct 18, 2022 · I lost my son the day after his 36th Birthday, killed by a drunk driver. “Missing my mom tonight. Aug 16, 2021 · I am proud that I could call you “friend. I can’t see her. ” — Millie P. It’s hard to put into words the heartbreak of missing your son. , “I really miss your brother/sister and I’ve been feeling sad. The house feels empty without your vibrant energy filling every corner. I received many lovely messages—but a simple, heartfelt letter from my friend Whitney is the one that always stood out. During this difficult period, it’s important to let yourself feel all your emotions without repressing them. Time heals the acuteness of pain, but you may continue to miss your parent. That you have gone away. “And she missed her mom very much, even long after she was gone. . Apr 25, 2024 · Heart Touching Missing Father After Death Quotes #45: You were the greatest role model for me. Songs About Missing My Grandfather; Songs About Missing My Daughter; Songs About Missing My Son; Songs About Missing My Child; Songs About Missing My Wife; Songs About Missing My Husband; Songs About Missing My Friend; We hope that our Ultimate Playlist of Songs About Missing Someone You Love provides you with some comfort. My thoughts are sending hugs to heaven to wish you a sweet birthday. I will fight through my fears and knock out my anger. You might be in need of words to console yourself or to console others or to put down your feelings. Find solace and understanding in our collection of 100 heartfelt 'Loss of a Son' quotes designed to comfort grieving parents. Allow him to find serenity in your divine kingdom. I miss her smile, her voice, her sense of humor, and her hugs. Prepare for holidays and other special days. Oct 29, 2021 · i have had 3 after death experiences: 1. In the acceptance stage, individuals start to accept the reality of the loss and adjust to a life without their father. 7. One of the most tragic and traumatic losses life can deal out to a person is the death of a son. My son was murdered on July 4th 2021 He makes my 3rd son and a daughter in heaven. Jan 24, 2023 · So where are you now to comfort me? I’m feeling sad and no one is there for wiped my tears. Missing You Song No. she was crying and said find my son before its too late. Feb 13, 2020 · Four and a half years after the death of my oldest son, I finally went to a grief support group for parents who have lost children. ” – Author Unknown “It was nice growing up with someone like you – someone to lean on, someone to count on… someone to tell on!” – Unknown “Nothing can stop me from loving my brother” – Brandy My beloved father G. I wish that you could be here with me, and I promise to spoil you with all the hugs and kisses. Feb 15, 2023 · Grief after a parent’s death can drain you and leave you reeling, no matter what kind of relationship you had. Feb 12, 2024 · A gentle reminder of missing you. Nov 14, 2022 · 77. I won't let them ruin my life. Nov 16, 2023 · 5. I eventually took anti-depressant meds. Christmas Card Etiquette After a Death in Mar 13, 2019 · The Death of My Son. By Robert Louis Stevenson; Under the wide and starry sky, Dig the grave and let me lie. I understand that, but I just wish I could explain that to my heart. My Son Dillion was murdered in front of me in our apartment by a homeless 18 year old we took in. 2012 I saw him and no sign of him leaving. Despite my age and professional experience, my father’s death changed me forever. Remember, grieving is a normal, healthy process, one that looks different for everyone. I remember the time when…” Apr 28, 2023 · “I miss the warmth of your gentle hug and the love I felt when my arms were wrapped around you. This June, remember Dad with these moving loss of father quotes and sayings. I named my second son as Elvin Abraham as I loved my father so much. I miss your laughter, your hugs, and the sound of your voice. 13) Death is a strange thing. Garcia _____ Perhaps they are not Nov 26, 2019 · ‘I Miss My Dad’ Quotes to Share ‘I Miss My Dad’ Songs to Listen To ‘I Miss My Dad’ Messages From a Daughter ‘I Miss My Dad’ Messages From a Son; Sharing your feelings can be a healthy way to honor his memory and ask people for support. We cannot be helped but be moved by the lines: I miss my friend. My baby boy, my little man, I don't know how or when, but one day I'll see you and feel whole again. I tried to not think of him all the time and occupied mindfulness with other things. I can feel their unasked questions. This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in “shock” even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. Seasons change, as they’re meant to do, But my love remains, forever true. I miss him so much and the pain in my heart never leaves. My emotional and intellectual struggle began four months ago when my dear son of twenty-four years unexpectedly passed away from a heart condition no one knew he had. Your poems were as if my heart was speaking the words. Abraham s/o Gnaniah, taken by God on the 14. When my son died, I received a lot of advice. "I Miss You" by Beyoncé. Losing my father is a weight I’ll carry forever. There is no shame in getting help. I spent a solid decade grieving a series of losses. ” 8 Patsy Cline Jan 9, 2024 · John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Your death to me. My hands feel empty Without your touch, Losing the son is one of the most tragic events in the live of a parent. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. Empty Hands. Goodbye my brother poem. He passed away on my second son's birthday. Missing a parent is natural, and if you were very close, you’ll need time to adjust. “I miss you, son, and I love you more than life itself. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t think of him, but it used to be hardly a day. “You are the only thing, the only one who truly makes me happy. People wonder how I can still stand, still walk, still laugh. A kind, sweet young man, Jacob was a good son, brother, uncle, and friend to those who knew him. My heart is empty. The day he was missing started my unbearable pain and we did get some closure. ” 24. Glad did I live and gladly die, And I laid me down with a will. He passed away in his sleep. 14. You may find yourself feeling waves of grief that you thought were no longer there when shopping for someone's birthday gift or preparing for the holidays. Missing you hurts more on your birthday. Therefore, our relationships are not meant to end with bodily death. I know this from experience. In my case it was months after my son, Noah’s, death that I began to feel angry. my step mother in law. I've spent more of my life without you Than with you, I'm sad to say. Sibling grief is a type of disenfranchised grief, which means it's not recognized or supported by peers or society. By Dan Higgins 2024. Nov 17, 2021 · If you’re struggling with coping after a significant loss and need to know more about what you’re experiencing, keep reading below. He probably passed that day, but I did not know till 8/18/18. Jan 14, 2024 · The 1st death anniversary message can be tricky to craft as the anniversary of a death is a really tough time. I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart, but I can also see my father, my superhero, the strongest man in the world. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. R. “Oh God, hold my Dad closely in your heavenly arms. I speak to you in whispers and sighs, Jul 12, 2022 · Often, the best way to find out what’s going on with your child is to talk about what’s going on with you first, e. I just plain miss my Nick. Jul 25, 2017 · My name is Fara Gibson. Mom, after your death, there wasn’t a day I didn’t remember you. 79. Sep 24, 2021 · 5. And how to bear pain. Jun 16, 2017 · A son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love… that’s what a gift a great father is to his children. I miss you . I was born with an amazing ability given to me by God. No parent is prepared for the loss of a child, and when it happens, their world is changed forever. “I never fully understood what the words “I miss you” meant until I reached for my mom’s hand and it wasn’t there reaching back. osrjbs agqk rferv erpi lmfdmr fnmw cjdeagy ffdnuj jfvacf pliou